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When You Leave

from Long Winter by Andrew Parkkila

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lyrics

Nights like these my baby don’t talk too much just to say, “I wanna be alone”
From the other room I hear her crying in the pillow
And I know that I should say something but, what, god only knows
I’m afraid of her rage
How it cuts like blade
Meanwhile, the distance grows

And it’s hard to think about having children when our love’s gotten cold
There’s this weight in my brain that drives me insane, it keeps me putting up these walls
Sometimes I feel like a victim, other times I just feel gross
Because I learned as a boy
That sex is a toy
Share it with whoever you know
Until you can’t share it no more
No, no, you better only share it if you know

So there goes my night, I guess I can forget about getting sleep
‘Cause my baby is there with her fist in the air, demanding answers from me
It’s why I see a therapist, but I still can’t make a peep
I must have done something wrong
Lord, it’s all my fault
Darling, lay that blame on me

I’m not sure what it was
But I know I fucked up
Baby lay that blame on me

So we’re like a deer in headlights now, we just can’t get out of the way
Of this runaway train, more like a hurricane, it’s just the machinations of fate
So maybe you found a way through, but I can’t move my feet
I can’t keep up
It feels like you’re giving up
So I’m just waiting for the day you leave

I can’t do it myself
It’d be like crawling through hell
It’s gonna kill me when you leave

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from Long Winter, released December 1, 2023

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Andrew Parkkila Chicago, Illinois

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